Kellye Garrett

What (Didn’t) Happen at Malice Domestic…

Confession. I’m the only Chick who didn’t have her life together enough to go to the Malice Domestic convention this year. I suffered from a severe case of FOMO, the fear of missing out. So I decided to pretend I went to Malice this year. Read on to found out how much fun I had (not) going to one the the country’s largest traditional mystery conventions.


Me and Lisa

Me and Lisa on our way to Malice! (Okay, so this was taken at Crime Bake a few years ago but who cares!)

Lisa took the train from New Hampshire and stopped in New York City to see her kids. I met her at Penn Station and we jumped on the train. I managed to pack four dresses, six pairs of shoes, twelve shirts with coordinated pants and a partridge in a pear tree in a small carry-on. None of it wrinkled.

By the time Lisa and I got to Bethesda, you would never know we spent hours on a train. We looked exactly like supermodels.

I checked in to my room where I’m staying with Marla. She let me take the bed by the window because she got tired of me asking her if I could have the bed by the window.



To quote Beyonce from two years ago before everyone wanted to get into formation, I woke up like this:


I went to panels. And ate. And went to panels. And ate. And went to panels. And ate.

And I never gained a pound because everyone knows you don’t gain weight on vacation!

I bumped into Sunjata Massey at the cocktail reception and managed to “casually” mention that I have read all the Rei Shimura books. And by “casually” I mean screeched like a toddler high on Starbursts and back-to-back episodes of Bubble Guppies.


I went to my first panel of the day: Murder on the Menu: Food & Mysteries panel. It made me feel inspired. And hungry.

For the next session, I attended the “The Group Dynamics: Sharing Detection” panel featuring one Lisa Q. Mathews and I’m amazed that two years ago I was sitting with Lisa at a panel and now she’s on one. I feel like a proud mama.

I also managed to be at the “New Kids On the Block: Our Agatha Best First Novel Nominees” at the exact same time because it featured my all-time most favorite Agatha nominee ever: Ellen Byron.

At both panels, I loudly whispered to the people next to me that I personally know both Lisa and Ellen. They didn’t believe me.

I spent the rest of the day panel hopping. I walked by both Charlaine Harris and Elaine Viets, yet somehow managed to play it cool both times.

That night was the Awards banquet, which is like the Grammys for mystery writers!


I woke up and briefly considered exercising but then remembered that I hate to exercise. Instead, I went to breakfast at the “Mystery Scene Presents: Meet the New Authors of Malice: Nosh with This Year’s New Authors: event.

Next, I went to “Just Die Laughing: Humor in Mysteries” featuring one Marla Cooper, who kicked total butt on her first panel. Once again, I told people sitting next to me that I know Marla and even showed how she shouted me out in the acknowledgements for Terror in Taffeta. People still didn’t believe me.

Since I have a special place in my heart for all things Hollywood, I hit the “Lights, Camera, Murder” panel and even asked a question. Everyone agreed it was the most amazing question ever asked.

I spent the rest of the day going to events and trying to match authors with their photos on their webpages and book covers.

At 3 p.m., the convention sadly came to an end. I briefly considered hiding in Ellen’s bag so I could go back to L.A. with her but ultimately decided against it, mainly because I don’t think they serve peanuts and complimentary drinks in the cargo area of the plane.

That’s my wrap-up of my time (not) going to Malice Domestic. Check back in on Friday when Marla, Lisa and Ellen all share what did happen at this year’s convention.

13 thoughts on “What (Didn’t) Happen at Malice Domestic…

  1. Brilliant!! When I woke up this morning one of the first things Tim said was, “Did you read Kellye’s post? It’s really funny!” He didn’t lie. I would totally let you have the bed by the window!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. There is no way in Hades I would have posted my just-woke-up-like-this Malice pix. (In fact, the subject came up and I wouldn’t even text it to Marla.)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Kellye, what a great post. And it sounds like you actually accomplished more than most of us (not) there! You’ll have to share your secrets for (a) waking up gorgeous and (b) being at two panels simultaneously! Can’t wait to hang with you next year. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Pingback: What Did Happen At Malice Domestic… | Chicks on the Case

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