Cynthia Kuhn

Adventures in Shopping: A Monologue

source: pixabay

Hi, I was just here an hour ago. This receipt shows that I was charged for three of these things, but I only bought two. No, I didn’t notice until I got home. But then I came right back. Since I was charged for three instead of two.

Um, I’m not sure how to prove that. Here are the two I bought, still in the bag. I don’t have a third. Does that work? No?

Yes, I do understand that people could remove one from the bag. But I didn’t.

How about asking the person who rang these up if she remembers? It was in that lane there.She’s gone home for the night? And was fired so she’s never coming back?

That’s a shame. But given that you fired her, is it possible that she misrang this sale?

No? Hmmmm.

Oh! Could you please check your stock list? Because if there were only two, then it would have been impossible for me to have bought three, right?

Those aren’t up to date? That’s…useful.

Could you go back to your security cameras and rewind to an hour ago? And then you’ll see that I am standing here with two items? Not three? Oh, you can’t do that? Who can? No one? It’s not even possible to rewind?

What do you do with the tapes then? Do you ever watch them? No? So pardon my asking, but why do you bother taping in the first place? It’s company policy? Interesting. And kind of bizarre.

What other options are there? You can’t think of any? Really? Not one?

How about you give me back my fifteen dollars and we call it a day?

Yes, this entire conversation was for the benefit of fifteen dollars. I know. But it feels too late to turn back now…

Narrator: They said they’d call. They did not.

Have you ever gotten caught up in an absurd retail scenario? If so, please share with us…

If not, how is your holiday shopping going? 

 

28 thoughts on “Adventures in Shopping: A Monologue”

  1. One of the many reasons I hate shopping. I try not to remember the experiences like yours (and yes, I’ve had several). On the flip side, I ordered a bunch of cat stuff online from Chewy recently, only one item wasn’t included in the box they shipped. I expected it to be a hassle, since there was really no way for me to prove I didn’t receive the item. But when I got online and chatted with the customer service rep they submitted a replacement order for the missing item within seconds. Chewy is the best.

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  3. Unfortunately, I’ve found that if reasoned, simple dialogue doesn’t work, a loud “I want my money back!” in a crowded store often does. No one’s called the cops on me yet, but if they did, I’d swear out a complaint. Needless to say, I’d never shop in that store again.

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  4. Sorry you had that experience. I’ve been there. Unfortunately there were a lot of years I was on the retail sales employee being yelled at. Just one more reason I try to be kind to retail workers. Always try to speak to customer service or a manger if you have a problem. As a sales person we were only allowed to take returns for a certain amount.

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  5. Yikes! I’m dying to know why the person was fired. Did you use a credit card? Contest the charge with them. We’ve found that very effective. Btw, you know who does check the security footage? Target. I thought I was missing an item. They ran the footage to verify I’d shopped, but couldn’t see the exact order. Gave me a replacement. Then I found the OG under my car seat. Oops! I brought it back to them.

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  6. In my experience, folks are generally nice about things like this and will believe the customer. But then there’s that one employee who will argue with you for a half an hour over a five dollar item, thereby costing the company far more in labor than the value of the item. Sigh…

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  7. Wow! So sorry that happened. I can understand their reluctance to believe you since I can see someone lying about that, but it seems like they would want to give you $15 in the name of good customer service.

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    1. Post-shopping toddy is a thing? I’m in!

      I have never actually had a toddy, but I’m imagining from the name that there’s butterscotch and alcohol. Maybe whipped cream on top and a perky straw? Am I close?

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  9. I’m so sorry. Usually, I’m the opposite – I have MORE than I paid for, so I either take the extra back or pay for it. However, I’ve never had a store flat-out refuse me before. I remember I ordered tea from Amazon once. It never arrived. When I called, they sent out another box. I’m sure you know what happened next. The original shipment turned up (it had been delivered to the wrong address). However, when I called Amazon, they said don’t bother returning anything, I could consider the second shipment a gift for being inconvenienced.

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      1. My mother would rise from her grave were I otherwise. I once took my 2-year-old daughter back inside a grocery store to return a pack of bubble gum she’d filched while I stood in line. The clerk clearly thought I was insane – who does that over a 69-cent pack of gum?

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  10. Oh, Cynthia! I feel your pain. I’d probably say something stupid like, Why would anyone want 3 of these ugly things, anyway? Or even 2? I’ll just return these others, so you can refund me for the 3, okay? Of course, then they’d probably throw me out of the store, but maybe one of the other customers in line behind me would be amused. (Probably not.) Onward, Cynthia and fellow holiday shoppers, and think of London!

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  11. Cynthia, I’m sorry they sideswiped the merry in your shopping spree — that stinks! But I’d like to have a post-shopping toddy with you and Kathy!

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