Dear Stores: When did everyone start saying “Welcome in” instead of just “Welcome”? And how did this begin? Was there a memo that I missed?
Dear Designers: Can we please talk about the High-Low Hem concept? Sometimes it’s short in the front and long in the back (aka the “mullet of hemlines”) but sometimes it’s short in the back and long in the front. It’s confusing. And while we’re on the subject, whoever thought, hey, you know what we need? A “shark bite” hem! Was there a strong demand for a style that says, “I am someone who narrowly escaped a sea struggle earlier today”?
Dear Offices: If we confirm that we will be at the appointment in response to your text message, why do you then follow up with additional emails and calls? Will you not trust us until we have confirmed the confirmation’s confirmation?
Dear Voicemail: You always ask me to press 1 for normal delivery and 2 for urgent delivery. But what happens if I actually do press 2? Does someone’s phone start flashing like the Batphone? Related question: why was the Batphone at the Commissioner’s office kept under a glass cake dome while the Batcave one just sat out on the desk?
Dear Streaming Series That Release A Few Episodes Upfront, Then Change Into A Weekly Schedule: How about releasing them all at the same time instead? Many of us have been transformed into binge-watchers now. It’s not our fault; our brains have been rewired. And if we wait weeks and weeks until they’re all out to watch the show, then going on social media in the meantime is a risk, as we are likely to happen upon the spoileriest of all spoilers. Please save us!
What are you wondering about these days, lovely readers?
Chicks on the Case 
Those never-ending appointment confirmation messages are so annoying. I don’t think they do trust us.
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Marla, so right. Who has the time to respond to all of them? Le sigh.
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I have never heard “welcome in.” I don’t get the hemlines and yes about the endless confirmation messages.
And I never thought about the Batphone thing until you mentioned it.
Oh, and yes, streaming! I got so used to having everything there and then one series was like, “Nope, you get the first two and then you only get one every week” and it was very disconcerting.
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Love these, Cynthia! One of my questions is when watching a basketball game, when did announcers find the need to add “basketball” at the end of “they need to score.”
I mean, it’s a basketball game, why do we need them to tell us “LeBron James needs to score the basketball this time down the court.” What else is he going to use to score, one of his shoes?
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Same as Liz.
Although I do like the visual of the Batphone under the cake dome…or maybe I just like dessert.
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Jen, now we need the Batphone featured on an episode of “Is It Cake?”
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HA HA! Is it cake?
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Thanks, Liz! I never heard “welcome in” either until one day it happened and then I started hearing it all over the place…really felt like I just didn’t get the memo. 😉 And “disconcerting” is exactly the right word–agree!
JC, that’s so funny! I will be listening for that.
Jen, you’re right–the cake dome has aesthetic appeal. So fancy.
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Ooh, a Batphone cake! (“Is It Cake?” is such a fun show!)
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Dear Warehouses:
Years ago made medicine bottle child-proof by making sure only children can open the bottles.
When did you decide that all things encased in plastic needed to be opened only by using scissors? Is there a scissor monopoly, or is there a worldwide surplus of hard plastic?
And when did you feel it was necessary to tell us where to tear open condiment packets, since it only works half the time anyway?
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And when you DO finally succeed in opening that packet of mayo, it spurts all over your shirt…
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Mayo is fine but ketchup and mustard…
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Hestia, thank you! YES to all of them. The “tear here” thing has the added bonus of making me feel super weak in addition to being unable to get to what is inside.
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HOW I hate those endless requests to confirm my dentist/doctor/vet/eye glasses appointments! But I always do, because what if I don’t and then they cancel me, after having spent 45 minutes on hold making the appointment in the first place? Nooooooo!
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That is so true, Leslie. They have all the power…
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I love these, C! Like Liz, I’ve never heard of “Welcome In.” But those endless appointment reminders. I feel like my dentist has some kind of PTSD over people not showing up for appointments because I get reminders so often.
As to wonderings… when did it become perfectly acceptable for even newscasters to use “there’s” with plurals? I.e. “There’s four of them.” There ARE four of them, people!!”
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Let me know if you do, El. I hadn’t heard “Welcome in” either, but the instant I did, it seemed to be everywhere.
And you are right about “there’s”! It’s so pervasive. I’ve actually found myself writing it, then backing up my cursor…
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Anybody else have a Tivo? How is your remote? Mine has a propensity to double click when you press the Select button, taking you someplace you don’t want to be. And the scroll up button only works about 10% of the time, acting as a scroll right or scroll left button the rest of the time, also bringing you into uncharted territory. I get endless exercises in patience while watching TV because I don’t throw the farshtunkene thing against the wall. To top it off, my sweet wife bought me a new one for a Christmas present, and it works exactly like the old one! What I wonder is how the heck somebody could deliberately inflict such an infernal device on an unsuspecting public? If that were my work, I’d be ashamed of it.
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At least you understand how it works, Tom. I feel like every new remote I get adds extra buttons for fun.
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Oh no! That must be so frustrating!
(Writerly thought: “Infernal Device” feels like it could be a title!)
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Nice list, Cyn! Yes about confirming those confirmations for appointments.
I’m often befuddled by the loooonng receipts I get from stores–and often they have coupons that expire that day or within a few days. I mean, didn’t I just go to the store?!
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Thank you, Jen, and great example…they often have short-expiration-date coupons for the VERY things we just bought. Could they give us time to run out first? Sheesh!
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I bought some plants online and afterward kept getting prompts to click for free shipping. But when I jumped through all their hoops they said, “Oh, you already got this other discount and you can’t have two, you greedy Gus!” But they KNEW I already took the first discount! Why did they feel the need to throw it back in my face that I didn’t get free shipping?
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Argh! Yes, what was the point of that? It feels like when you see all the new people getting a billion deals on their cell phones and you say hey, we’ve been here a thousand years, got anything for us? Answer: *salesperson falls down laughing*
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LOL!
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Ha, love these, Cynthia! Have to be honest, I fear my brain has taken the opposite tack: I’m completely confused and overwhelmed by the alternate universe of big-picture things my brain has been bombarded with lately. Mostly I try to assure myself that I am not hallucinating the barrage of incoming, bizarre-o info. Then I wish I actually was. (Does that make sense, lol? And yes, I am Perfectly Fine!)
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Lisa, such a good point. We ARE being bombarded by so much information and news! Too much coming at us. A few times recently, I have woken up in the middle of the night feeling absolutely panicked about having sent/not sent a particular email. Then I realize, after waking up a bit more, that such an email never existed! It’s messing with us…
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Love these!
Not sure I’ve seen “welcome in” signs before. Or haven’t paid attention to them.
Is it a combining of Welcome, come in? Either way, it makes no sense.
Re: The Batphone. Is it possible that the phone would get bumped in the Commissioner’s office more easily than it would in Bruce’s library, and that’s why it is under glass? That’s the only thing I can think of.
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Or be accessed by evil doers!
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Mark, thank you! Welcome + come in makes MUCH more sense than what I was thinking: “Welcome in [to _____]” > our store? our sale? paradise? Needed clarification.
And that’s an excellent rationale for the Commissioner to have an extra layer of protection. 🙂
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Speaking of checking in for appointments … I’m baffled as to why my airline and my doctor’s office want me to check in the day before for my flight/appointment. Isn’t the whole point of checking in to see if we’re there? What if I check in the day before but have a flat tire on my way to the airport and miss my flight? What good does that do them? Wouldn’t it be better to look at their magic screen, see that I haven’t checked in, then say, “Gosh, I guess she’s not coming today. She must have had a flat tire. Now we can make room for a stand-by passenger.”
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That is so true, Becky! It defeats the whole purpose!
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Great post, Cynthia! I have one medical office which asked how I’d like to receive reminders. I said by text, and they still send me reminders and confirmation notices by both text and voice mail. It really just feels like harassment at this point!
And I still want a bat phone!
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Ha! These are awesome, Cynthia! The shark bite one made me literally LOL.
My fashion curiosity: using “mom” as an adjective for various articles of clothing. I’m not sure if I should feel vaguely insulted or sincerely complimented when I see mom shorts and mom jeans in stores!
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