Hey Mr. Heat Miser

You know that scene in Total Recall, the 90s action thriller with Arnold Schwarzenegger & Sharon Stone where the Martians’ giant, life-maintaining fan is shut off and their air supply is totally cut and they’re gasping and flopping like Dali clocks?

I don’t remember much else about that movie (so much for “total recall”), but I will never forget that scene. I am living it right now.

Here in NH, we rarely get any sympathy regarding hot weather. We live just a few hours from Canada, but trust me—it is literally steeeeeaming here right now. Our temps are lower than many other parts of the country, I know, and we are fortunate not to be plagued by major wildfires and floods. You know how people say, in places like AZ, that “it’s a dry heat”? Well, here it’s a very wet heat—without the rain.

On Friday, the WMUR weather forecast read: Today: Miserable. Tomorrow: More Miserable. Sunday: Miserable. Monday (that’s today): More Miserable. The weather person’s advice: Sorry, NH, we’ll just have to suck it up.

So what to do as you lie gasping in front of the life-essential fan? Unfortunately, like our fellow stiff-upper-lippers in England, our homes here in the Live Free or Die state are built to keep the heat in, not out. And AC? Forgettaboutit, unless you’re taking your dog for a ride in the car to escape.

What gas prices?

I could do some editing or writing, of course–if only my brain whirred half as fast as the fan. Deep plunge in a cool lake? Sure, but you’ll have to walk there because buses of day camp kids arrive every hour and there’s no place to park. (That’s okay. I wouldn’t want to play Capture the Flag at the Martian-dry ballfields either.)

Solution: all-day marathons of SVU, followed by watching the Sox lose and more SVU. (How had I forgotten what a great show that was? Even the dog and cat were glued.)

But yesterday we had a genuine–and all-too-brief–chill when we heard a huge boom as we brought our cold dinners out to the TV—and the whole house lurched sideways. So did everyone else’s in every nearby town. Our local Facebook groups were bamboozled. Meteorite? Thunder of unusual strength? Falling trees (if we had redwoods here, which we don’t). Underground gas explosion? Training missions from the nearby Space Force base (*shoutout to New Boston*)?

Thrills on Blueberry Hill

It was an earthquake: 2.3! (Insert pitying, unimpressed eye rolls from California and Hawaii Chicks here.) But did the massive jolt eke out a single drop of rain? Negatory.

When I was a kid, my friend Olivia had a coffee table which her mom told us was a Chinese rain gong. She warned us never to touch it (along with anything else in the living room—that’s the way things rolled in the 60s/70s). But one sunny afternoon, bored after an umpteenth board game of Clue! and having to baby-sit my friend’s younger siblings, we snuck into the living room and hit it with some tool the gardener had left outside.

It made a LOT of noise—very, very low and long. It vibrated for days (well, it seemed like it). We were terrified…because it worked!!! Before we could make it back to the Bedroom from the Living Room with the Trowel, there was an angry crash of thunder and the heavens opened. I think we hid under the bed for awhile.

How amazing would it be to have another shot at a rain gong right now? Turns out, though, there’s no need to dig a nice cool underground tunnel to China to find one. Look what just happened after I typed that last paragraph–for 4.27 minutes!

Yes, those little white dashes are actual live RAINDROPS!

Readers, do you find yourselves having more conversations about the weather lately? How are things in *your* neck of the woods?

38 thoughts on “Hey Mr. Heat Miser

    1. Ah yes…hail. When I lived down South, that only happened when my car was parked somewhere other than the garage.

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  1. We have had the same record hot, humid weather this week in Ottawa. Heat index of 108F is not normal here. Finally, we did get some rain yesterday and much cooler weather today. The high is supposed to be only 72F, and a lot more rain this afternoon.

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  2. It’s been a hot and dry summer. I think I’ve cut the grass only 3 times in the last two months. This week’s forecast calls for high temps in the upper seventies. That’s Heaven to me!

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    1. I’d congratulate you re: the less-lawn-mowing, J.C.–but I know my hubby sits on the deck and mutters at the brown patches rather than being happy about the decreased work. (Not that we have any neighbors who would complain about the unsightliness–they’re a. far away and b. dealing with the same!

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      1. Hey, between gas prices and the heat, the fewer times I have to mow, the better. Our half acre lot was a lot more fun when the kids were little and liked to play in the yard. lol

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  3. It’s been hot around here and humid. But every few days there is a massive thunderstorm that cools us off. Then the cycle starts again. Pretty typical for SW PA this time of year. Although The Hubby mentioned how nice a sunny summer had been lately and then we got three days of rain. LOL

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    1. They are very, very heavy, Mary–at least that one was, so I guess that’s how it ended up as a coffee table. It was kind of ominous sounding. Like, the opposite of those nice bowls the instructor plays in yoga class.

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  4. I totally agree about the dry vs. muggy heat, Lisa. We’re lucky on the West Coast to have dry heat (though not so lucky about the drought and fires). And in Hawai’i, although it’s more humid, it’s no where near as bad as Florida or the Midwest, because of those lovely trade winds. And–miracle of miracles!–it’s not foggy here this morning in Santa Cruz! Hurrah!

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    1. What is this “fog”? Lol. I so wish we lived closer to the water (although everyone always says, but you have water–lakes!) Nothing beats the breeze off the ocean, sigh.

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  5. I live in North Carolina and it’s summer. That means a heat index >100F every day with a good chance of a frog strangler around dinnertime. This weather lets me know I’m getting old–I actually prefer it to winter! I’m off to Tennessee next week where it might be a bit cooler.

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    1. Might be a bit cooler if you’re heading to the mountains in East Tennessee, Tom. But no respite from heat if you are going to West Tennessee (Memphis area) or middle Tennessee! Safe travels!

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  6. I won’t get any sympathy from friends and family in the delta, but we hit 88 degrees over the weekend here in the Yoop — which is HOT for us. Fortunately, our high today is supposed to be 62 degrees, which is on the cooler side for August. But no complaints from me!

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  7. I am SO jealous of that rain!! I think it’s rained one day, maybe two, here in relentlessly sunny SoCal. We’re in the midst of an awful drought. What’s aggravating is that we’ve also had some humidity – although nothing like what you’re suffering through – but still, to have it AND no rain is just cruel.

    Living here, I always thinking of a line a character had in the movie, WHITE MISCHIEF. It took place in Africa. She threw open her shutters and went, “Another f–king beautiful day.”

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    1. Okay, I’m going to steal that expression for my own daily routine, El–rain or shine, hot or cold. (Still remember trying to keep up with you over the WB lot in the blazing LA sun, lol.)

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  8. It was over 100 here this week. I notice how you didn’t give us a temperature or a “feels like” temp.

    I’ll give you a break on the earthquake. Even the small jolts can be unsettling.

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    1. The temps lie, Mark. Really, lol. It’s not like a FL or Mississippi humidity, either. Less “watery” and more–pressure? Like, a wall of solid heat instead of moist heat, pressing down instead of around.

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  9. I used to love earthquakes … until we bought a house. Here in CO we rarely have much humidity to speak of, but yesterday, while the temp went down to upper 80s, our humidity went up, maybe to the 50s. We had theatre tickets so I was keeping an eye on the weather. We were supposed to get some rain, in which case we’d drive to a different restaurant, rather than walking to one downtown. Nary a dark cloud, though. Had a nice dinner, drove home, watched a movie. Then on the news, the top story was the terrible flooding rain in Denver. Um, we were just there. Nuthin. And nuthin here in the burbs, either. it just came up out of nowhere and washed away a bunch of cars and did a ton of damage! But not a drop on our garden.

    Before I complain about the weather, I always remind myself what month it is. Oh yeah, August … it’s supposed to be hot!

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  10. Hotter than the hinges of hell in DE (thank you, John C., for that wonderful expression 30+ years ago!), but “cooler” weather is forecast for the rest of the week. Fingers crossed.

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  11. WHOA! That is quite a lot from Mom Nature!!

    It has been hotter than the hinges of Hades here, and I’m also sans AC. I promised that after complaining of the cold all winter, I wouldn’t complain about the heat, as well. So I always tell people that I’m just REPORTING the temperature or simply OBSERVING that it’s quite (quite) warm, not complaining per se. Think they buy it?

    And yes re: SVU!! SUCH a great show. In fact there’s a humorous/murderous podcast I love that’s dedicated to it called That’s Messed Up. Highly recommend!!

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    1. I do the exact same, Kathy! I always tell people to remind me when I’m freezing next winter that I was dying of the heat in the summer, and vice versa. They always do. Thanks for the tip about the SVU podcast–added to podcast list!

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  12. Weather here has not been bad this summer and we have had lots of rain. Turns out Georgia gets more rain than Seattle. Average is 52 inches give or take. I think that we are ahead so far. Glad this summer that we weren’t living in our home state of Texas. My sister had no rain for months and over 100 degrees for months.

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