2024 came in like a battering ram for me. As many of you know, my mother died on January 3rd, the day after her 97th birthday. Despite her age, her death was unexpected and up-ended my life a bit. Okay, a lot. I haven’t even had time to grieve, to be honest. I’m guessing that will come at the end of March when I’m staring at the empty condo one of my brothers and I will have worked like dogs to prep for the new owners.
On top of this loss and all it entails, I have a draft to finish, a short story to write, lots of book-related travel, and general life stuff. And have I mentioned that I leave on Friday for two weeks in NY where I’ll be doing nothing but emptying said condo and dealing with every aspect of what comes from being the executor (nominated because we’ve yet to receive the paperwork) of someone’s “estate?”
Can you say “overwhelmed?”
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I am now seeing a weight control doctor who has put me on a 1200 calorie diet heavy on protein – 100 grams a day, at least – and low on everything else. Can you say, “I AM VERY GRUMPY?!”
I spent the morning downloading calorie counter apps and then deleting them because they made me cry. Instead, I’m going old school…
Anyway, all of this brings me to my cry for help. I’m moderating a panel at Left Coast Crime. I’ve got so much else going on that I’m living in fear I’ll forget to come up with questions for panel. The title is Friends, Frenemies & Family: Good for Drama & Comedy (4 p.m. Saturday for your LCC attendees!) I’ll of course come up with specific questions for the panelists, but I need some solid general ones as well. Here’s what I have so far:
Yup! I got nuthin’. So I am crowdsourcing my panel questions! Right here on Chicks! People, this may be a first, so jump in and make history with me when I ask…
Readers, what questions would you like to see me ask on the topic of Friends, Frenemies & Family: Good for Drama & Comedy?
Chicks on the Case 
What are the different ways the authors approach writing about friends vs. family vs. frenemies in this context? Do they have a preference? Has anyone ever asked them if they are the frenemy in the book?
Ellen, I’m so sorry for your loss. Being executor is very difficult. Thinking of you and your family as you deal with this.
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Katherine, these are wonderful questions. And thank you so much for your support. xo
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Ellen, first I’m so sorry for your loss. Seems like a lot of people I know are losing parents so far in 2024.
Second, I totally understand. I’m moderating a panel at Malice. Reading the books now and the prospect of coming up with questions is daunting.
Third: Relationships are a central theme in anybody’s life. How do the relationships in your book add to the drama or comedy for your protagonist? How to they add or subtract from her stress?
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Fab question, Liz. Thank you!! And thanks so much for your kind thoughts.
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sending you hugs, Ellen. As for LCC, I would be interested in having the panel members provide an example of a pair of frenemies and why they chose that duo. Safe travels!
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Oooh, another great question. Thank you! And I hope I get the chance to take you up on that hug in person at Malice, J.C.!
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Aw, El. So sorry for all you have been going through. Once you’ve closed the condo door and handed over the keys, I hope at least part of that weight will be lifted from your shoulders. I, too, am a moderator for a panel soon–at Malice, so I have a bit more time to read up. Questionwise, I was intrigued by the idea that the panel title only mentions comedy and drama. Maybe, especially with your Hollywood writers room background, you can ask, How about other categories (offhand, I’m thinking horror and romance and true crime should anyone be plotting the murder of anyone close to them). Also, I dunno…maybe authors’ favorite book or TV frenemies? Friends? Couples? Mom/daughters, sister/sisters? Sibling groups, like Succession? Good luck, my Chick-y friend! (PS I’m a fan of dark chocolate chips on diets. Just a couple when it gets extra-tough.)
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Great ideas, thank you!
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***This comment kindly sent by author friend Tom Burns. Tech issues courtesy of WordPress***
“Sorry for your loss and your troubles, Ellen.
In the Natalie McMasters Mysteries, I write about a unique family. So my question for your panel is simple: What is a family?”
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Tom, thank you! Good question – and you inspired another. What makes the family in your book unique?
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Sending you so many hugs and so much love as you navigate the difficult days (and nights) of all that’s involved with such a poignant loss. ❤
For a panel question, I’d love to know when people think blood boils most murderously: when one discovers that a friend is actually a frenemy, or when a long-standing frenemy goes a bridge too far with their sly, cutthroat ways.
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Oooh – great question. And potential plot!
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Loads of love and hugs to you, El!
My question would be: Do you pull your inspiration from real life (include examples)?
Also, I’d love some juicy stories involving friends, family, and frenemies. 🙂
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Yes! And Jen, you reminded me about what happened at play reading of a play I wrote that was inspired by my Italian family. It was a daughter, mother, and grandmother in the bathroom during a huge wedding. A friend of my mother’s was in the audience for the reading and when the director asked for feedback on the play, the guy stood up and said in a heavy Queens accent, “Your mother doesn’t sound like that.” And he went on and on about how my mother, not the character, should sound.
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I can’t improve on any of the questions already shared, so I’ll just say that I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn’t matter how many years we get with our beloved parents, it never feels like enough. I wish you peace and smooth sailing.
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Joni, such true words. Thank you. xo
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How exactly would you define frenemy? How does that apply to the relationships in your book?
(I’m thinking about you and praying for you, Ellen. I can’t imagine all you are trying to balance right now.)
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Great question! And thank you so much, Mark. Not gonna lie. It’s a lot. xo
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Since the panel concerns both comedy and drama, it would be interesting to posit a situation between family members and/or frenemies, and ask the panelists how that relationship would be employed differently in either a comedy or drama.
As for your lousy, horrible 2024 so far, I am looking forward to seeing you in person at Left Coast Crime so I can give you a tight hug. Your crime writing friends and family love you, El!
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Great q! Thanks!
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First, big hugs and lots of love! You’ve been through so much lately, but you’ve handled it with grace!
Second, I don’t think I can add anything else to what people have suggested about the panel questions. You’re going to knock it out of the park! Looking forward to seeing you at Malice again!
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Thanks so much! I’ll see you then!
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Ellen,
Hestia here. Sorry I’m late to the party, but I was so sick this morning I spent the entire day sleeping. Literally, didn’t wake up until about 10 pm.
I am so sad to hear about what your heart is going through right now. If I make it to malice I will search you out and give you a hug that will lift sprints. And maybe we’ll drink done spirits too.
I love all the questions. My questions would be do you ever get the feeling two characters have to have their category changed, from friends to frenemy for example, what caused you to think that, and how did you accomplish it?
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My heart goes out to you as you deal with all the details of your mother’s estate. As for the 1200 calories, I’m right there with you, sadly. It helps to know someone else is stuck at 1200 with me. I’ve learned to appreciate carrots, LoL.
As for panel questions, I love the way you handled the frenemy aspect between Maggie and Vanessa in your Cajun Country series. How about asking how each author approaches that in their books? Are they subtle or blatant?
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I’m a day late with everything in life right now. I’m so sorry about your mom. And you are grieving. You just haven’t had time to process. Big hugs, El!❤️
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I saw that you said something in another post about your mother’s passing. You said something like as you know my mom passed. I thought am I forgetting things, but then I saw this post today–the 20th. Somehow, I had missed it. I am so sorry for your loss. I still go to pick up the phone and call my mother as I used to call her every day. She passed in 1998. When we finally realize that they are our friends later in life and not just our parents, there is not enough time with them. I have so many questions that will never have answers that I wished I had asked but did not know to ask then. I am glad that I am not getting dementia then since I did not remember. I have a couple of friends dealing with that and one that died (my best friend in college). So sorry that in between all of this, you have to deal with weight issues. Good luck on that. And you are having to deal with her estate. That is hard. I went through that also. My older sister wasn’t much help. She has no business nor common sense. I have no questions to help you with your presentation that I can think of right now. You got a lot of good ones in the above comments. Maybe something about relationships between the female (they seem to be usually female) main character and man that comes into her life (many times the detective or policeman). How do you decide to put them together and why do you decide to break them up? Why do you decide to put in an archenemy to the female main character that is always mean and conniving (though it does make it more interesting as well as infuriating)? Are those writers that love dogs or cats the only ones that usually add one of those animals to their story as an integral part?
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