Sick of negative election vibes? Dragging yourself to the polls like Charlie Brown to the pitcher’s mound? Cheer up, the Chicks have some fun write-in propositions for you!
So here’s a proposition that requires no debate. “Title Take All the Time You Want” calls for a referendum on the abolition of cruel and unusual manuscript deadlines. Will it drive more writers to the polls? Puh-leez. Traffic will need to be redirected and voting hours extended to accommodate the crowds. I wouldn’t be surprised if extra volunteers were needed to prevent overeager writers from stuffing themselves into the ballot box. As an added bonus, Section 1.K9 of this proposition calls for free dental care for those big, furry dogs who used to shred paper manuscripts but are now forced to chomp flash drives. Remember: Vote early, vote often!
A California ballot is so stuffed with propositions, measures, and initiatives that it can drive voters to tears. I’m still trying to make sense of half of them. But I’ll tell you what would get my vote in a New York minute: a proposition that makes sitting at a green light or a stop sign casually texting while you ignore the drivers honking behind you, a crime punishable by a life sentence. Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. Perhaps a week-long phone ban? Trust me, some of the drivers around here would find that as devastating as a life sentence.
Here’s my idea for write-in proposition: a measure shortening the election period to, oh, let’s say six months. Imagine how much we could have all accomplished in 2015 and 2016 if we weren’t glued to Nate Silver’s poll predictions, Facebook clips of various comedians eviscerating politicians, and all the pundits and talking heads telling us that everything that ends up happening will certainly never happen. If Measure H for Hush Up passes, no one’s allowed to speculate on who might run for president in 2020 until the actual year 2020. And also, we all get free pumpkin bread! Because, who doesn’t like pumpkin bread?
Readers, what burning issues do you think deserve debate—or at least a hanging chad? Cast your votes below!
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