Kathleen Valenti

What do you fancy?

As some of you know, my boyfriend is a Brit. Ian is a delight, and I’m crazy about him. There is a problem, however. 

The language barrier. 

As many in Britannia are wont to do, Ian speaks UK English, a.k.a. English English. Or as I like to say, English2.

Sure, we understand each other most of the time. As a Python-quoting, Austin-reading, English lit-majoring Anglophile, I know my way around a lift, bonnet, torch, and trainers. I also fare better than dear Alexa in deciphering an accent with R’s added to words that end in vowels. (Exhibit A: The Beatles’ “Lovely Rita[r]”.)

The trouble is in the spelling. 

UK English favors–or should I say favours–what I feel are superfluous U’s. Then there are S’s subbing in for Z’s (or rather zed’s), C’s posing as S’s, -tre suffixes on words like “centre” and “theatre” (which feels vaguely French), and (for me) the brain-frying double vowels oe and ae in words like “foetus” and “anaemia.” 

The grammatical differences don’t end there. UK English-speakers consider collective nouns, like a band or a family, as plural rather than singular, and treat subject-verb agreement as such. “His family were marvelous.” “The band are coming to America.” They also use single quotation marks where we would double-up. Past tense gets fancy with “spelt,” “learnt” and “et,” instead of “spelled,” “learned,” and “ate.” 

And don’t get me started on aluminium. 

Lately, I’ve been finding myself adopting Britishisms. I used S rather than Z when writing “analyze” as “analyse” the other day. Then I said, “That’s what Cecilia was on about” when relaying a story. 

Blimey. 

So far, no mentions of adjusting my “schhhhedule” or parking in the “GAR-age.” But perhaps that’s next when I ask Ian about getting his mates together for a night out with the lads. 

There’s a great book by Bill Bryson called The Mother Tongue about the origin of English in its many forms, and interestingly my dad bought me this book before he knew I was dating Ian. 

So far, it’s come in handy. Love may be the international language. But it’s nice to know what a butty is. 

Dear readers, do you use UK or US English in your daily writing–or something else? Do you fancy a British-accented voice for your car’s navigation? Do you have a funny UK vs. US English misunderstanding to share? I’d be chuffed to bits to know. 

50 thoughts on “What do you fancy?”

  1. How can you use the word butty and not tell us what it is?! This is smashing, Kathy. I’m a bit jelly you’re dating a Brit. I always wanted to. BTW, I doubt “jelly” doubles as a Brit expression. But I feel like if it doesn’t, it should.

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  2. As a writer, I’m schizo. My Natalie McMasters Mysteries are written in a patois of Gen Z slang, but I also write traditional Sherlock Holmes stories in Victorian English. I just finished one about the death of a former French polisher. And funny you should mention the car’s nav system. Trudy has an Irish brogue.

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      1. We have a variable that we insert in words that use either “s” or “z.” When we publish our documentation, we select the value that should be used. The value is based on country, so if you pick US, it uses “z.” If you pick “Canada,” it uses “s.”

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  4. I’m married to an Englishman, had a mother from Georgia, an Italian-American father from Pennsylvania, and we live in Virginia. Imagine the confusing terminology in our household.

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  5. I just returned from a visit to England where I spent a few days with my British half-sister in Winchcombe. She taught me how to say “gasping for a cuppa” and by the time I left, she was saying “sure, you guys.”

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  6. I just melt at a British accent. It is so romantic sounding.
    In my writing, I tend to use British spelling for many of the words where there’s a slight difference. Grey, not gray! And yes, I always throw in the u. For some unknown reason.
    As far as talking goes, I am definitely a cross between PA speak and the southern belle.
    And fyi, the British speak English. Plain and simple. Here in the States we speak American.

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  7. Too funny, Kathleen. On a six-month assignment in the UK, I leaned on my British partners to translate. I’m still amazed at how our common language can impede mutual understanding.

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  8. The differences between the English & American languages always intrigued me, I used to have a discussion about this in my HS English classes. My favorite misunderstanding was when my son was in daycare and the Irish carer scolded me for not putting him in a vest. Who is she, the fashion police? Then I found out she was referring to an undershirt!

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  9. O:be found I tend to use “sat nav,” “car park,” and “takeaway,” that ks to all the Irish and British TV I watch.
    When I watch Premier League Football, the use of the singular when talking about teams continues to throw me off. Cheers!

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    3. One of my friends uses a British voice on her gps/sat nav – I asked if it said car park instead of parking lot & she said it hadn’t come up 😉

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  10. When my family lived in England when I was a teenager, I remember my dad cutting out a headline from the newspaper about the World Cup team that he thought it was funny: “England are Slipping.”

    I’ve long been partial to “grey” over “gray,” and still cross my 7s and zeds as a result of that year abroad. But I could never bring myself to say “leff-tenant.”

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    1. “Leff-tenant” is a puzzler, for sure! I cross my sevens and Zs, but didn’t realize that was an English thing! I think I was encouraged to do so in an effort to make my terrible penmanship more understandable.

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  11. I’m Team USA when writing (though I do prefer “grey”). When I’ve had to judge international contests, the UK spelling/grammar does throw me off.

    On the other hand, I did purchase a British phrase book once as research for a character (in a currently shelved manuscript).

    And my dad grew up in Malaysia, which had British rule. He once told me a story about being in the US and asking to go to the lavatory–and how teachers were wondering why wanting to visit the science building seemed so urgent!

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  12. How much fun is this post? Thanks for the laughs, Kathy! I need that book. I do a triple take whenever I see “cosy” mystery. I have Irish family and “yer man” and “yer wan” always get me. (Huh? What man? What one?) I also learned quickly not to be a “wagon” and what a “hen party” was—a bachelorette, not a Chicks conference party!

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  16. I’ve mostly picked up British phrases from British mysteries and detective shows, so mostly standard fare. But hubs and I have enjoyed Sarah Milligan comedy specials. Her humor leans to the bawdy, so I’ve learned some naughty words and phrases we weren’t previously acquainted with!

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    1. I just started watching her, Vickie! HILARIOUS!!

      I was also just talking about how I often need the subtitles on for some shows based in the British Isles. Any Gavin and Stacy fans out there (from the way back machine)?

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  17. I got into an interesting discussion on ‘maths’ and ‘math’ with me Southampton mate. He was ganging up on me with his college daughter. Their point was maths is short for mathematics. So, I suggested that maths implies plural, as if Pythagorean math impregnated chaos math and had multiple little baby maths. And then maybe it should be ‘mathi’ or ‘mathen’ rather than ‘maths’. They were both nonplused with my argument. Or, perhaps, in the UK that would be said ‘non-multiplied’. For me, to this day their logic in support of ‘maths’ just does add up. But my mate and I don’t let this matter be divisive, we are still mates for the remainder.

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  18. Sometimes when my buddy is in the states I have to play a bit of the interpreter. When he says he ‘has to check his diary’, I tell the confused clerk ‘calendar’. We still argue over ‘maths’. That is just illogical. And he tells me I will never say ‘Worcestershire’ correctly no hard I try. So I compromise and just call it Lee and Perrins and we are both satisfied. It is a give and take exercise.

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