The last couple of weeks, I’ve been putting the finishing touches on “Welcome to Cozy Town” — a comedic mystery short for lovers of cozy mysteries and amateur sleuths. It took longer than expected to write, but honestly I was having so much fun throwing every cozy trope I could think of into the mix that time got away from me. And of course, what cozy parody would be complete without a cat who helps solve crimes?

When it came to the inspiration for my feline crime-fighting sidekick, I needed to look no further than my very own cat, Fletch. Hands down, he’s the cat who would get involved in all the sleuthing shenanigans. But what about the others? Everyone’s got their special skills, but some are more qualified than others. Here, in no particular order, is how each of my cats would rate as crime-solving sidekicks:

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Fletch — 10/10

Nickname: The Supervisor, because he wants to be part of everything. He’s smart, sometimes a little too smart, and he always seems like he’s trying to psychically communicate with me. He even has a great sleuth name: we called him Fletch partially because of the Gregory McDonald series, and partially because he actually fetches, which is another great skill for retrieving clues. 

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Arlo — 6/10

This is a tough one. He’s cute, and he probably has some skills that would come in handy, but he’s also the most likely to get himself locked in a closet. He’d be the one you’d have to come rescue and then honestly he’d be too hungry to be of any use after that. (Ask me how I know.) Among the skills he would bring to the table? Stalling for time for the police to arrive by convincing the perpetrator to drop everything because it’s time to feed him, or tripping the perpetrator by wrapping himself around the guy’s ankles in the hopes of getting treats.

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Voodoo — 8/10

AKA The Silent Assassin. She’s the sweetest lap kitty in our entire household, but I also saw her lunge at a raccoon who was eating out of her food bowl. (This was in her past life as a New Orleans street cat. Our AirBnB owners were feeding her, but she was not allowed in the house.) Point is, even though she’s now living the life of a princess with a penchant for soft blankets, gentle head scratches, and long cuddles, she’s street smart and would have your back in a fight. 

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Ollie — 3/10

Great at snuggling, utterly useless as an investigator. Scared of ceiling fans. Scared of most things. He was originally named Owl by a 12-year-old girl — not because he was wise but because he had such big eyes. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an excellent member of the household, but he would not be of any help solving a crime. Unless the perpetrator was a ceiling fan, because he is deeply suspicious of their every move and would at least be able to be an eyewitness to their crimes. 

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Bonus Cat: Aurora — 9/10

This is not my cat. It’s my niece’s cat. But she can access tight spaces (this is actually a screen grab from a video of her flattening herself enough to slide under a door) which would come in so handy as a sleuth (but less so when you’re just trying to use the bathroom in peace). She showed up right before Christmas as part of the Universal Cat Distribution System, so I feel like she has a future in Hallmark holiday mysteries!