Marla Cooper

Feline Detectives: Rating my Cats as Crime Fighters

by Marla Cooper

The last couple of weeks, I’ve been putting the finishing touches on “Welcome to Cozy Town” — a comedic mystery short for lovers of cozy mysteries and amateur sleuths. It took longer than expected to write, but honestly I was having so much fun throwing every cozy trope I could think of into the mix that time got away from me. And of course, what cozy parody would be complete without a cat who helps solve crimes?

When it came to the inspiration for my feline crime-fighting sidekick, I needed to look no further than my very own cat, Fletch. Hands down, he’s the cat who would get involved in all the sleuthing shenanigans. But what about the others? Everyone’s got their special skills, but some are more qualified than others. Here, in no particular order, is how each of my cats would rate as crime-solving sidekicks:

Fletch — 10/10

Nickname: The Supervisor, because he wants to be part of everything. He’s smart, sometimes a little too smart, and he always seems like he’s trying to psychically communicate with me. He even has a great sleuth name: we called him Fletch partially because of the Gregory McDonald series, and partially because he actually fetches, which is another great skill for retrieving clues. 

Arlo — 6/10

This is a tough one. He’s cute, and he probably has some skills that would come in handy, but he’s also the most likely to get himself locked in a closet. He’d be the one you’d have to come rescue and then honestly he’d be too hungry to be of any use after that. (Ask me how I know.) Among the skills he would bring to the table? Stalling for time for the police to arrive by convincing the perpetrator to drop everything because it’s time to feed him, or tripping the perpetrator by wrapping himself around the guy’s ankles in the hopes of getting treats.

Voodoo — 8/10

AKA The Silent Assassin. She’s the sweetest lap kitty in our entire household, but I also saw her lunge at a raccoon who was eating out of her food bowl. (This was in her past life as a New Orleans street cat. Our AirBnB owners were feeding her, but she was not allowed in the house.) Point is, even though she’s now living the life of a princess with a penchant for soft blankets, gentle head scratches, and long cuddles, she’s street smart and would have your back in a fight. 

Ollie — 3/10

Great at snuggling, utterly useless as an investigator. Scared of ceiling fans. Scared of most things. He was originally named Owl by a 12-year-old girl — not because he was wise but because he had such big eyes. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an excellent member of the household, but he would not be of any help solving a crime. Unless the perpetrator was a ceiling fan, because he is deeply suspicious of their every move and would at least be able to be an eyewitness to their crimes. 

Bonus Cat: Aurora — 9/10

This is not my cat. It’s my niece’s cat. But she can access tight spaces (this is actually a screen grab from a video of her flattening herself enough to slide under a door) which would come in so handy as a sleuth (but less so when you’re just trying to use the bathroom in peace). She showed up right before Christmas as part of the Universal Cat Distribution System, so I feel like she has a future in Hallmark holiday mysteries!

Readers, how would your children pets fare as asidekick in a cozy mystery? What special sleuthing skills would they bring to the table ?

Marla Cooper is the author of the Kelsey McKenna Destination Mysteries.

23 thoughts on “Feline Detectives: Rating my Cats as Crime Fighters”

  1. My sister’s cat would be the one to hide and run away from anyone.

    My niece’s dog would alert you by barking and growling, so you don’t want him with you when you are trying to eavesdrop or search for clues

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    2. I feel like the dog would have other great skills to put to use, even if you don’t want them there on a stakeout. I’ll be honest, dogs make better loose than cats. (Except for Fletch, who is basically a dog.)

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  3. Koda would definitely be a 0/10. Too lazy to care. He doesn’t even hunt for dropped food on the floor! Heck, he’d probably ignore a thief as long as the thief gave him a snack and ear rubs on the way out.

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    2. Ooh! I love this game, too. I think I’d be an Arlo. Most likely to accidentally lock myself in the closet – or the basement. Then, once rescued, I’d need a meal to help me recover from the trauma.

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  5. What a fun post, Marla!

    OK, let’s see from pets in my past…

    1. Chickens: too lazy. Unless it’s sleuthing that requires pecking talent. Or if there’s need of a rooster to send out an alarm call, even when it’s not dawn.
    2. Bunny: very shy. Definitely not one to go on an adventure or boldly investigate.
    3. Parakeet: a messenger bird? Able to go out of the cage and return, with a neat trick of hopping back on your finger.
    4. Cats: Number 1 was so aloof, he wouldn’t bother to sleuth but just give everyone the stink eye. Number 2 was too docile, willing to accept (my) kids trying to shake paws with him.

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      1. Pecking could come in handy. It’s the micro-attention to little details.
      2. Can confirm! My friend Cara has rabbits and they are no help.
      3. I like it; I feel like we’re assembling a team here.
      4. It’s funny, out of all our cats not one of them could be described as aloof! (Probably because I put them through a rigorous series of tests to make sure they’ll fit in with out household and the mandatory snuggles. LOL)

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  6. Ha! This is hilariously adorable, Marla! I think Arlo may be the male-cat Bess Marvin. And that flattening under doors skill…wowza. As I type this, my black-long-haired rescue cat Aloha is lying in her usual spot–near me, but not too near. But in between bouts of grooming and lounging, she is a actually a mouse assassin. I’ve never seen that kind of speed and ruthlessness in any creature. But she’s the picture of beauty perfection as she carries out her assignments. Farley, my senior golden, on the other hand, is taking a nap. He’s a terrible lookout, but he has an unusually fuzzy head and suspects never fail to stop whatever they’re doing to pet him.

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    1. Thanks, Lisa! Arlo is *very* Bess Marvin. Aurora… I’ll have to show you the whole video. It’s impressive! Aloha sounds like she has a lot in common with Voodoo… sweet, beautiful, deadly. Farley!! Okay, I have a Golden Retriever in my story currently named Max, but if Farley wants a character named after him, let me know!

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  7. Love this post! Thanks for sharing! Spruce – 9/10 – Has to be supervising everything and will be your best IT specialist, investigative reporter, and squirrel hunter extraordinaire! (Following their every outside movement from each window inside…) The only problem is a criminal could easily distract Spruce with a plastic bag that she’d have to chew on. No exceptions.Agatha – 3/10 – Terrified of everything, thinks the world is out to get her, but also is always hungry. She’d do well in food-related crimes, sniffing out hidden licky treats. But otherwise, she’s hiding or sleeping through an investigation.

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    1. Thanks, Shelly! Spruce sounds amazing and would probably get along great with Fletch. And Agatha — based on her name, maybe she’ll just write about crimes? I want pictures!

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  8. it doesn’t say who wrote the post but the minute I saw it, I thought, Marla!

    Cammie would be iffy in an investigation. But if socks need to be stolen, she’s on it! It’s her superpower.

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