Lisa Q. Mathews

Sunday Scaries, We Want You Back

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday…Having trouble remembering exactly what day it is? Well, good news! You can easily rule out Sunday…

If it were Sunday, you’d know it. That’s because there’s a good chance you were lying wide awake in the wee hours, your brain buzzing in anticipation of attacking every to-do item #fail from last week’s list and planning a head start on the next before the dreaded dawn of Monday.

At least that’s the way Sundays used to be. Not-so-late-breaking bulletin: The Sunday Scaries have been canceled.

Yes, they’ve gone the way of the Sunday funnies (remember those?). But never fear, you won’t have to miss any primo opportunities for regularly scheduled anxiety and next-day dread. Due to surging demand, the Sunday Scaries will run every day of the week on multiple brainwave channels and be available to stream 24/7. Also, they will henceforth be known as Scaries Now.

Person lying in bed covered with blanket, quiet and sleeping
A person sleeps soundly under a blanket, creating a peaceful nighttime scene.

That’s right, stressful days and sleepless nights are no longer limited to Sundays under the new Scaries Now plan. Just think of all the fun things you won’t have to wait to worry about, regardless of whether you commute to an office outside your home.  That 9-am-sharp Monday meeting you know and love will always be there, as well as the super-popular “right before we break for the weekend” Friday Zooms. School drop-offs, pet messes, AI customer service loops, major tech meltdowns, ad-and-scam-filled emails, nonstop social media, 10-factor identifications, national and global news headlines of unusual proportions, dizzying price leaps (chocolate, gas, coffee, you name it!). None of these are going away! And for any stress fans out there in your golden retirement years, you’re included in the party, too. Zero time with plenty of worry and insomnia to go around for everyone, all week long!

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that a small number of unappreciative troublemakers are refusing to fully participate in the invaluable opportunity for round-the-clock productivity and journey of self-improvement that is Scaries Now.

It is our fervent hope that these individuals will soon agree to put aside their sad, antiquated books and join the program.

Bye, Sunday Scaries. We never thought we’d say this, but we’re actually going to miss you.

Readers, what keeps you up at night—and how do you get back to sleep?

12 thoughts on “Sunday Scaries, We Want You Back”

  3. I’m ashamed to admit none of this keeps me up. I can’t do anything about it – well, not directly and immediately – so I refuse to lose sleep and sanity.

    Now that 9a.m Monday day-job meeting, on the other hand…

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  4. And a good morning to you too! I won’t say nothing ever keeps me awake at night. I just rarely sleep through the night anymore, even if I have nothing to worry about!

    Somehow retirement is busier than life with a full-time job. The good news is I do have some control over what gets done when, but still it is kind of wild how that happened.

    Here’s to a good night’s sleep for us all!

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    1. Hear, hear! I have had so many retired people tell me they are busier now than ever. Something to look forward to…though I guess writers rarely retire.

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  6. Us West Coasters have the everyday scaries even worse. If you get up early on the East Coast, you can grab a cup of, walk the dog, and make some brekkie before the news breaks. Most of it bad these days, unfortunately. But we bolt out of bed to find our feeds already hammering us and the workday in full swing already. No rest for the weary West Coast!

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