The other day I saw this meme and it made me laugh, so I reposted it to my Facebook page.
Many of my friends saw it and laughed with me, proudly confessing they had at least one exactly like it, but shaking their cyber fist at the idea it was time to throw it away. I agree. Those cookie sheets are perfectly fine. They simply have developed a rich patina of life experience, much like myself.
But—because I am a complicated woman—I pulled out my muffin tins recently and decided enough was enough. Time to get new ones.
I don’t remember buying any of them, so it’s possible I should donate their bodies to science or something, but this Teflon one adds delicious bits of Teflon to everything I bake.
This silicone one is constantly sticky and refuses to behave.
But look at this grandmother of them all! I typically like my muffins to be golden when they’re done, not rusty.
After a little late-night peeking at the internet, I decided to try ceramic muffin tins.
On Wednesday, I trekked to the mall. Oops. I mean the retail resort. (I swear to God, that’s what they call it. *insert huge eye roll here*)
I hadn’t been there in longer than I could remember, but it was all coming back to me … the smell of cinnamon buns … mothers bending over strollers consoling babies or chasing toddlers … lonely entrepreneurs at kiosks hawking their wares to wary grandmothers.
(One chatty guy wanted to dab some sort of super-polymer around my eyes, “for the puffies.” When I balked, saying, “What if I have some sort of reaction while I’m walking around?” He shook his head in vehement protest. “I do this seven years. Only happen once.” Needless to say, I’m still a victim of the puffies.)
One thing I hadn’t remembered was this sign. Perhaps if I had been in front of the cosmetics store I would have gotten it right away. But I wasn’t and I didn’t.
This retail resort is a lovely place, don’t get me wrong, and it’s where I can relive my childhood by getting an Orange Julius. That’s one of those scent and taste memories that sends me right back to 1968 when I took my first trip to the Cinderella City Mall in Denver. It must have been a big deal to my parents as well because we took a day-long excursion there from Colorado Springs, which back then—when gas was a whopping 34c per gallon—was a pretty big deal. AND my dad stuck a crowbar in his wallet and bought us those delicious orange sugar bombs. It was love at first sight for seven-year-old Becky.
Cinderella City was the largest shopping center under one roof in the world. In the world, people! In Denver! Three levels, 250 stores, a 600-seat theater, a fountain with a 35-foot-high spray. It also boasted a handcrafted double-decker Italian carousel that stood 28 feet tall that was lit by 2,000 bulbs and had 28 hand painted panels. It held 70 people and cost $1 to ride.
But by 1990 or so, it was set to be demolished.
Indoor malls made way for “retail resorts” and “outdoor shopping experiences.”
So a few days ago, once again I found myself at the largest mall, er, retail resort in Colorado.
I walked past every single one of their 185 stores, dipping into each one that held the promise of kitchen items. Did I find muffin tins? No, I did not. Despite the fact there were many overpriced home stores, none held what I was seeking. I asked a guy at one of the stores if ceramic muffin tins were even a thing. Was I to forge my own kiln? Dig my own earthen minerals? He assured me my earthen minerals could remain safely underground. He simply had sold out. But had no idea when more would arrive.
Defeated and demoralized, I slogged my way back though the retail resort dream-killer, heading back to the Julius stand for another sixteen ounces of solace.
Suddenly, the sun came out. The world seemed brighter. Unseen voices lifted on high.
I turned a corner and beheld these drink holders.
(For the record, I am not affiliated with the Puffin company in any way, nor do I receive compensation from them. But I will consider any offer they’re prepared to make.)
The hoodie made me laugh out loud and scare a lady. I would never in a million years use them, but the fact that they exist in the world makes me ridiculously happy and well worth the trip.
There’s a plotting device in the literary world called The Hero’s Journey. It’s a story where the main character goes on a quest, hits rock-bottom but somehow claws himself up to emerge triumphant, then returns home altered in some significant way.
Ideally with an Orange Julius. Because we’re all the heroes in our own stories, right?
Do you think I’ll ever put my hands on a ceramic muffin tin? Are there any retail resorts near you? Do you ever go? Did you hang out there as a teen?
Chicks on the Case 
BECKY: I am a lifelong baker, and had no idea that ceramic muffin tins even existed! Maybe you will have to order online from that behemoth store that starts with “A” instead of slogging through another retail (resort) dream killer!
I have 3 muffin tins I use at home: a jumbo 6-muffin pan, a red silicone 6-muffin pan and a regular metal 12-muffin pan. I use those reusable silicone muffin cups for the 12-muffin pan to prevent sticking.
The silicone pan is ok, a bit tricky to get the muffin out when baked since it is so deep.
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We have a big restaurant supply store about 30 minutes away. I’ll go there next week maybe. If they don’t have what I want, I guess I’ll have to do that other thing you suggest. I reallyreallyreally want to put hands on it before I buy, though!
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Hahahahahahaha! It’s Wendall Thomas. This post made my morning.
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Hi Wendall! Here’s to snorting coffee outta your nose!
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First, I have two of those aged cookie sheets and no way am I giving them up! After years of use, I no longer have to “lightly grease” them and the cookies turn out perfectly.
Second, no, had no idea about ceramin muffin pans. But I don’t make muffins that often.
Yes, I hung out at the “retail resort” when I was a kid. Now, I detest going. The ones near me have either closed or are only full of stores that sell cheaply made clothing (well, one still has a Macy’s and a Penney’s). The “big” resort a little further away is better – it has an L.L. Bean store! – and last summer I had great fun stomping Chinese lantern flies (the new bane of existence here in Pennsylvania), but parking is atrocious and it’s so big.
And none of them have an Orange Julius.
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The difference between my ancient cookie sheets and my ancient muffin tins is that the cookie sheets can come clean so much easier.
I was AMAZED at how many clothing stores there were! Honestly, how many pieces of fabric do people need to cover their loins??
Not gonna lie, I’m a little bit fascinated by the lantern flies.
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Keep hope alive, Becky! If you get desperate, tell your kids that’s what you HAVE to have for your birthday or you’ll be sad for the rest of your life. A little parental guilt can go a long way, after all.
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True, but this will play out like it does each time I go on a quest. I’ll eventually find the perfect muffin tin, and I’ll buy two because it was such a pain to find the first one. Then each kid will send me two tins because they didn’t know which color/design I’d like better. So by the end of this journey, I will have at least 8 12-cup muffin tins. You know, for the two times a year I make muffins.
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Ceramic muffin tin is an oxymoron.
Amazon’s got them.
Tom Burns
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You should have seen me trying to type that phrase! Hilarious. I went back and forth but “ceramic muffin pan” while accurate, didn’t have the kind of pizzazz I was after. LOL
And yes, of course, the Zon has them—that’s where I saw them originally—but I want to hold them, touch them, caress them before I buy.
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Hestia here.
Becky, my love. Check Walmart. The Pioneer Woman has a ceramic muffin tin under her brand name.
Tom is right though. Best place is the A giant, because it’s a specialty pan, so you usually have to buy it through the manufacturer. Not sure if a restaurant supply store will sell them, because restaurants don’t use them, they use metal ones.
Retail destination? Are you talking about the mall down my highlands ranch? Can’t remember the name, but I remember when it was built. You went there to be seen shopping there, not necessarily buying anything there. It edged out Cherry Creek as “the destination to be seen at” rather quickly.
Here in the DMV, the retail destination is The Galleria. Many of the stores won’t let me in, because I don’t look wealthy enough to buy anything there. If they only knew some people with money don’t dress like they have it. I remember looking at the Rolex window display, and the sales clerk gave me a dirty look and shook his head when I got to the entrance. Shoot, I could have written a check for a watch right then and there. Their loss.
But, I hate shopping. I’m much better with Amazoning (window shopping on the internet).
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There’s the famous scene in Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts not being welcome on Rodeo Drive. She showed them!
I would ALWAYS rather shop in person. I want to assess quality and color and such. But to tell you the truth, my very favorite place to shop is a thrift or consignment store. Everything there has been pre-disastered! And if I hate it, I’m only out 5 bucks.
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Becky, that “fighting animal” sign made me legit LOL. This falls under the oft-repeated mantra in graphic design/copywriting: Show someone before you go to print–juuuuuuuuuust to make sure.
And did you know that Puffin Drinkware is located right here in Bend, Oregon? True story.
To answer your actual question, my teenage children love going to retail resorts. Me…not so much. Yes, I was a huge fan of cruising the mall for the same Julius you enjoyed (plus a trip to Maurices or The Emporium), but the modern foray is just not for me. Maybe I changed. Maybe the shopping experience changed. Either way, I wish you Godspeed in your muffin tin quest!
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I’d like to think that sign was an intentional joke because c’mon! And OF COURSE Puffin couldn’t be anything other than an Oregon company! For the record, I think you and I could have a ton of fun at the retail resort! Juliuseses on me!
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I’m IN!!
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Thanks for sharing your journey, Becky! My muffins pins are in okay shape, but my Pyrex is definitely not sparkling.
In my hometown, the outdoor shopping experience was a big thing. But only the indoor ones had Orange Julius.
Now, where I live, we do have a retail resort (no Orange Julius). I’m there more often than I’d like because…kids. But they are definitely stepping up their food-court-and-adjacent-restaurants game.
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I love sitting in the food court as much as I love sitting in an airport. I try to sit near animated groups of people and pretend I’m playing a game on my phone, but I’m really doing some conversational shoplifting. I also try to figure out how I’d describe interesting-looking people in writing. Or try to describe how they’re speaking. A fun exercise!
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Becky, at first I thought you’d somehow filched my cookware collection. Most of my pans and tins were my mom’s, and look exactly like yours. I soak them in Dawn (what they use on those oil-slicked ducklings) to improve the patina. I tried once to replace them with silicone, but they flopped all over the place when I carried them to the oven. (Also a joke to get stuff out of.) No ceramic here, but I have a few pieces of what appears to be concrete. They’re so heavy I donated them (along with the silicone) to Goodwill. Love your mall memories. Ours are finally being repurposed here now (Whole Foods!), but for ages they’ve been creepy, deserted shells. During Covid they became mass vax centers–no Abercrombie models greeting us at the door, alas. And for the record, I would move into a place called Cinderella City.
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Apparently the developer of the site just liked that name. No rhyme or reason for it, but the city hated it and officially called it something else, but Cinderella City stuck.
That’s the other problem with the silicone … so floppy! But then when you put it on a cookie sheet, it cooks differently! Sigh.
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I actually purchased some cookie sheets last week–and I never bake! Must be something in the air. (I’m gonna use them to cook pizza.) And yes, I have a roasting pan that looks exactly like that one in the first photo, and I’ll never get rid of it. You never know….
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Have you never had cookie sheets?? Honestly, I can’t remember ever buying any of these baking pans. Except the silicone. My daughter’s roommate in college had them and I thought they looked so nifty. Most of my kitchen stuff has to be a wedding present or when we moved in together, so 40+ years?? Ay caramba.
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I do, but they all have rims/edges, and I needed the kind you could slide the pizza on/off of with no edge.
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Ah. I have some of those too, but it seems every time I use them for cookies, I’m using a recipe where they spread right off the edges. (I’d rather have pizza anyway.)
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I have about six trays that look exactly like the one in the pic – only worse. I cover them with tinfoil and use them to roast veggies.
Retail resort! That’s a new one for me. It seems like the universe is directing you to order the ceramic cups online. Or, do what I do with grody muffin tins: use muffin cup liners. You’re welcome!
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I told the guy at one of the stores, “I guess I could use the paper liners.” He looked at me and said, “You don’t look 8.” Made me laugh!
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I totally use paper liners. (Oh, and those fancy foil ones get hot!)
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Becky, I’m smelling oranges….Oh my. I, too, haven’t seen a ‘mall’ in at least 20 years. But oh, the memories when I was much younger and the thought of one coming to the community was as thrilling as a trip to Disney (almost). Now malls are a death trap…at least, that’s what the news portrays! But…muffins….pans…yes, they are worth keeping forever and, also, worth a toss. I think some of your most weathered ones can/should be used as seed starters. If you a gardner, and want to get an early start on tomato plants…or annuals….why not…recycle, recycle. I tossed my relics and replaced them with the silicon type. I find them to be the best. And I only do 6 muffins…nothing more. Those days of indulging are gone by th wayside, too. King Arthur, the flour people, have all the utensils needed for muffins and other fine baking tools. Take a look on their website.
In the meantime, write another fun story, memory lane, and wet our appetites. Cheers!
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Amazon does have them but google and you will find lots of companies that have them. Maybe one of them will be in your nearest mall/resort. I think that I had some muffin pans but do not know where they are. Maybe I gave them away or never had any. I know mother did. No telling where those are. When I was growing up, we did not have malls. It was after college that we started getting any. So, we never hung out there. We hung out at Clyde’s Drive-in in our hometown or the local movie theatre that my father managed.
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Thanks for the numerous chuckles this morning, Becky! I have numerous muffin tins, too, but I try to avoid using them. As Grace mentioned, all the way to the top, I also use silicone muffin cups. Easy to use, the muffins slide right out, and cleanup’s a breeze.
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Was just asking my husband last week when we got our super-trashed cookie sheets.
Answer: 30 years ago.
LOL at “tasty bits of Teflon…”
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LOL!
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