Anyone who has been to my house knows I’m not a clean freak. There’s a ten-minute period in April every year, however, when I feel intense shame at the filthiness of my windows. The sun is at precisely the right angle to pierce me with scandal, dishonor, and mortification.
Luckily it doesn’t last too long. The shame, that is, not the grimy windows. Those are here for the long-haul, I fear.
I don’t remember my mom being all gung-ho, gathering us together for some kind of annual Tackling of the Chores, and I don’t remember doing that with my kids.
So why then do I get so preoccupied with spring cleaning?
In Jewish custom, a house gets thoroughly cleaned before Passover to get rid of any trace of leavened bread. Catholic tradition encourages house cleaning during Holy Week to prepare for Easter. Before the Lunar New Year in Asian cultures, they sweep out disease and bad luck before the new year. In the Middle East there’s a deep cleaning tradition that translates to “shaking the house.”
We don’t do any of that at my house.
As soon as we had an empty nest—and soon after, a dog whose entire job was to shed and be adorable—my husband and I splurged on a housecleaning service until the pandemic put the kibosh on that sort of thing. Since then, we’ve done it ourselves. We sat down one day and negotiated who hated certain chores the most, then crafted a monthly schedule of sorts, assigning what needs to be done to the person most likely to do it. It works reasonably well for us.
But come mid-March every year, I find myself adding a list of spring cleaning jobs. Unsticky the top of the fridge. Degrease the kitchen cabinets. Wash those windows.
More often than not, something more interesting comes along and I shorten my list dramatically. I mean, I can’t actually see the top of the fridge without standing on something, and that’s just unsafe for a woman of my age. The cabinets will get greasy again since they’re right next to the stove, for heaven’s sake. (What psychopath thought that placement was a good idea??) And the windows? Well, I’m reminded that we have these things called doors attached to my house. I can go right outside whenever I feel the urge to take a look.
So here is this year’s list of What I Will Sweep Away During Spring Cleaning:
• My diminishing belief I will ever get the chance to tap dance on Broadway
• My crocodile tears when I “forget” to set the timer when I sit down with a crossword or jigsaw puzzle
• The urge to buy beautiful strawberries that I know are not ripe
• News about the solar eclipse
• My hope that the Denver Broncos won’t break my heart again this year
• Lists
What’s on your list?
Chicks on the Case 
Thank you for the encouraging words regarding windows, Becky. We had new windows installed two years ago. They’ll get cleaned someday!
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Geez, JC! You’re such an overachiever! Personally, I think you should wait 15 years then just get new ones.
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We actually did clean our windows a few months ago, and it was an ordeal! Opening the windows, taking down the screens, dusting and spraying, etc. For the record, it was my hubby’s idea…
On my list of internal spring cleaning is to sweep away rejecting compliments–hoping to accept them with more grace!
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Oooh, that’s a good one, Jen! When people used to compliment my writing I always brushed it away because it came so easy to me, I thought everyone could do it. Like accepting credit for breathing or something. It finally dawned on me I had cause and effect mixed up.
We had a hailstorm last summer that tore up our roof, the paint, and most of our screens. The roofers were here recently and I sure hope someone is coming to do the screens. Maybe they’ll wash the windows too ….
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Becky, I accidentally read the first sentence wrong and thought it said “I’m a clean freak” instead of “not a clean freak.” I had a moment of panic! I am SO not a clean freak. Our house is borderline hoardersville. Our guest room is now called the Promotions Dept because it’s so filled with my swags and giveaways. Sadly, it’s not just me. No one here got the clean gene.
I do confess to one indulgence I will never, ever give up. Ever since I gave my life and hours over to writing for TV, I’ve had a twice-a-month housekeeper. Even during seasons when I didn’t staff and finances were dire, Irma was a regular. She and her husband are extraordinary people. They shared a 1-bedroom apartment with three kids while they saved to buy a house, which they did. All three kids went to college – one is a math teacher, another an engineer, another works in finance in New York. I adore Irma. She’s an inspiration.
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I have a love-hate relationship with housecleaners. On the one hand, they clean my house. On the other hand, we’ve lived here for so long that much of our stuff is on the verge of breaking. For instance, the handle of our built in microwave is loose at the bottom. We know to open it gently from the top and it’ll last ten more years. But you can guarantee I’ll forget to tell someone and they’ll yank it like they’re at a normal house and then I’ll have to spend $65,000 remodeling my kitchen. You know how it goes … microwave replacement leads to oven replacement and then to the other appliances because now they look shabby, and then to cabinets and floors and it JUST DOESN’T END!
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My mom always did serious spring cleaning. Washing/ ironing all the curtains. Washing all the mini-blinds in the tub with soap and water and laying them out to dry on newspapers spread on the patio!
On rare occasions, I vacuum the mini blinds. My mom would be ashamed of me. I think even she has decided she’s not able to do some of her spring cleaning chores anymore. She’ll be 86 this year!
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I’d forgotten that I have—on rare occasion—washed mini-blinds in the tub! Egads. It’s dreadful. And I could never get them back up properly. One of the monthly chores on hubs’ list is cleaning the blinds. I’d probably never do it, but they bother him. Which is really how much of our housework goes … who does it bother the most?
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But if you wash the blinds in the tub, you have to clean the tub, too. Nah.
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Nah, bathtubs are self-cleaning, aren’t they? I mean, people are clean when they get out, right?
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My preferred housekeeping is what I call “Death Cleaning,” the deep-cleaning I do before a trip so that when I’m eaten by an alligator in baggage claim, the house will be tidy for my wake.
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So…sort of like, wearing nice undergarments in case one gets hit like a bus?
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EXACTLY.
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Wow. Always thinking ahead, Kathy! If I’m eaten by an alligator in baggage claim I’ll want to have all my stuff out so that my mourners can treat my house like a garage sale. If it’s all put away, how will they know which stuff is worth more than a nickel?
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Haha! GREAT point! Plus the dust will offer a protective coating…
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I just cleaned the stove so I am good. I just try to keep the kitchen clean Make the bed and make sure things are tidy. When I see the dust I get wiping.
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That’s the difference between you and me! When I see the dust, I either take off my glasses or walk away until the sun quits hitting it. Hubs makes the bed almost as soon as his feet hit the floor. Makes me laugh.
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I was just starting to think about a spot of spring cleaning this weekend so I don’t have to feel so guilty about all the dust and stuff that needs to be organized (thrown out). But we got 14 inches of snow yesterday so it’s not spring yet. Perhaps it will never be spring this year in New England, and we’ll go straight to summer. So…no cleaning? We used to have a house cleaner 2x/month until the pandemic, too, Becky. Alas…now it’s just us. Or not.
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I feel your pain, Lisa. It’s 75 here today—got a sunburn eating lunch outside—with snow coming in tonight. Just remember, when it snows, you don’t have to do housework. You need to keep up your strength in case you lose power.
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Thank goodness for guests, or I don’t think I’d ever clean house. Ugh. My least favorite job is dusting, because of all the knick-knacks I’ve collected over the years. And dog hair doesn’t make that cleaning thing any easier.
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I’m SO shocked with this post, Becky. Every picture you post, everything looks so organized and clean.
Keep that tap/Broadway dream alive- I know a few people…
I’m sweeping away the fact that I will never be the level of my mom’s version of clean. My apartment is small and lived in. Just the way I like it, most of the time.
Thankfully my housecleaner is a personal friend from high school, so minus shutdown, she’s been here e/o week.
I am weeding through my jungle of a clothes closet though. Pray for me, please.
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The expression on your dog’s face says it all 🤣
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