Sorry I’m late writing this intro, but good news – Mr. Darcy is my BBC husband! Yep, those quizzes that pop up on Facebook all the time are a great way to procrastinate. But we Chicks have found oh, so many other ways to put off our writing. How many? Let us count the ways… which, come to think of it, would be a great way to procrastinate.
Between Instagram, Judge Judy and group texts, I feel like my life is basically one big study in procrastination. However, one of my favorite procrastination methods is deciding exactly what I am going to do when I “finally” win the lottery. (My mom and her sisters once spent a good 30-plus minutes having a serious discussion about how they planned to divide up their hypothetical lotto winnings, so I obviously get this naturally.) I won’t get into too much detail but the basic plan is to curse out all the people I’ve added to my sh*t list over the past two decades and then just straight up drop off the face of the earth. So if I suddenly stop posting on Chicks, you’ll know what’s up. If people ask where I am, you can just tell them this: “I don’t know where she is, but I do know that she’s rich.”
Don’t believe it when people say that the internet was created by scientists around the globe as a means of communicating with each other. It was obviously created by writers trying to procrastinate, and I have the six alligator brooches I won from Ebay bids this week to prove it. But my procrastination attempts reach beyond the internet into our backyard. Because one unique way I avoid working is by picking up dog poops. That’s right. There are days when I would rather spend a half hour in my backyard picking up our corgi-jack-hua-hua and cherrier’s tiny turds than tackle a tricky story problem. It’s embarrassing to admit how much I look forward to this task, but it can be so wonderfully mindless. And when your mind is empty thanks to a repetitive task, that’s when a solution to a writing dilemma may suddenly come to you. Then it’s back to the computer – until I see our dogs trot outside again. It’s the circle of life, and procrastination… and poop.
Procrastination is tricky. There are times when I know I’m doing it, and there are times when I look up and it’s 1:42 p.m. and I have literally no idea what I’ve done with my day. Those are the days where I’ve been on the computer all morning and therefore tricked myself into thinking I’m working. But what I’ve really done is played some online Sudoku (to sharpen my mind, of course), posted something on Facebook, read an article someone linked to, scrolled through my Pinterest feed, checked prices on plane tickets but not actually bought them, checked back to see if I need to respond to any Facebook posts… it can go on for hours! Sometimes I can break out of the cycle by turning on Mac Freedom, which blocks internet access for a predetermined amount of time, but that requires a little bit of self awareness in the moment. I think what I really need is a tracker that tells me at the end of each day how much time I spent on the internet—and if that fails, a laptop that emits short electrical shocks at predetermined intervals! Maybe I’ll go work on inventing that… right after I play some Sudoku.
Me? Procrastinate? Puh-leez. That’s not what I’m doing right now, instead of writing my outline for FASHIONABLY LATE. I’m being extremely efficient, making micro-detailed and timesaving lists of Very Important Things to Do Before I Can Actually Start Writing. And every single one must be crossed off–or at least moved to tomorrow’s (or, better yet, next week’s) list. Current items include writing thank you notes for Christmas, making routine appointments I have no intention of keeping, putting away the appropriate holiday decorations (I’m already prepping for Paddy’s Day), buying the new puppy a collar, cleaning my closet (wait, have I ever mentioned that one before?). By the end of the day I’m zonked just thinking about all the endless stuff I have to take care of. Tomorrow: Repeat. Starred item on list: Write!
Readers, how do YOU procrastinate? Drop us a note in the comments below!
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