Everyone’s a critic–or has one. Let’s hear it (or not) for those voices we hear in our heads–the ones that whisper all kinds of not-so-helpful advice, from our second grade teachers to our very own, personal editors. Read on to find out what the Chicks hear, over and over–and maybe sneak a peek at our old report cards!
Lisa’s Inner Editor: “One cannot start a sentence with BUT.”
Inner Editor: “What is wrong with you? One cannot end a sentence with a preposition, either.”
Lisa: “Aargh!! When is this going to be over?”
Mrs. Watson, Lisa’s 8th Grade English Teacher (to Editor): I assure you, she’s hopeless. She refused to diagram sentences in class, and diagramming is The Secret of Life.
Lisa: “Forget it, I need a cookie break.” *stomps to fridge*
Inner Dietician: But do you really need one? Have you thought this through?
Ellen’s report card: This would be in the Comments section:
“Ellen works hard but is too easily distracted by Facebook, Twitter, and shopping for swag she shouldn’t be buying. I’ve noticed her attention drifts after a mere thirty minutes. She needs to stay focused on her work for longer periods of time. And constantly checking her email does not count as work.”
Vickie’s report card: Plays well with others – A+. Vickie loves chatting with the Chicks and her friends on Facebook, but talks too much during writing assignment period. Finishes her work in a timely manner – B+. She always makes deadline (just barely), but could manage her time better. Spends too much time staring at the blinking cursor. Reading Comprehension – A+. Vickie reads above grade level, but often sneaks out her latest TBR instead of focusing on her WIP. Grammar and punctuation – B+. She overuses commas. Copyeditor is doing remedial work with Vickie on her comma abuse.
Note from my inner editor: Okay, I know you don’t like to describe people, but c’mon, give us something here! Surely you’ve seen other people before. You leave the house occasionally, yes? Notice how everyone looks different from each other? Go with it! Give them eyes, hair, height, a hook hand if you must. Even Lego people have different hair colors, even if they do all have the same body type. And while you’re at it, that joke you wrote on page 73? Of course, you know I think you’re hilarious, but I’m pretty sure your actual editor is going to tell you to cut it. Just a heads-up so you don’t get too attached.
Me: (typing away happily) And now for the twist…
Inner Critic: This is stupid. Probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever written.
Inner Critic: Don’t use the word “really.” It’s a filler word.
Me: I’ll change it when I finish this draft.
Inner Critic: You’ll never finish this draft.
(repeat ad nauseam)
Hey, readers, writers, and former elementary school students! What do those inner voices and editors and former teachers in your heads love to tell YOU?
Did you enjoy this article? Subscribe to Chicks on the Case and never miss a post. Just click the button on the top right side of this page and let the fun begin!