Post

I’ll Take ‘What’s Annoying Becky’ for 500, Alex

I’m normally a very sunny person. No wild mood swings. Ridiculously optimistic. Annoyingly chipper very early in the morning. Able to see humor in everything, mostly myself.

But like any sapling nibbled by beavers, sometimes I just have to yell, “Dam!”

So, forget politics, genocide, racism, misogyny and all the rest. Let’s talk about important stuff … the things that are currently annoying me.

  1. The weird hair growing out of my ear. I know it’s there. It’s been there for years. I pluck it regularly. So why do I not see it until it’s long enough to jab somebody sitting next to me on a bus?
  2. When I got my new car in November 2017 I adjusted the 4,395 buttons, switches, and gizmos to make a perfect Becky-shaped dent in the seat. But apparently, the Becky shape has oozed (probably) or tightened (doubt it) into an entirely unrecognizable amorphous dimple upon my upholstery. But that’s not what annoys me. What annoys me is that I don’t remember where the 4,395 buttons, switches, and gizmos are and I’m loathe to dig out the owner’s manual just because my legs obviously got longer.
  3. And speaking of which … it was über-annoying when I extracted my favorite chair from its winter hibernation only to have it disintegrate the first time I sat in it. (Because my default is that of sunny optimism, my first thought here was, “But I didn’t spill my wine!”)

patio chair

  1. Pulling weeds with gloves on means I never get a good enough grip to yank them out by their roots. Pulling weeds without gloves on means my hands — which already look like they belong to a 14-year-old boy — look like they belong to a 14-year-old boy who has been playing patty-cake with an angry wolverine.
  2. Publishing contracts. To clarify, I’m not annoyed to receive publishing contracts, but if I never had to read another page of that gibberish again, I’d be happy.
  3. Having to set up online accounts on websites—with yet another password—when all you want to do is buy something. Just take my money, dagnabbit!
  4. Squirrels and magpies. They play a game with very simple rules: pull up Becky’s weed block until she cries. [See #4 above]

weed block

Okay. That’s enough. Even I’m sick of my whining and I have a strong tolerance for all things Becky.

Now, so I don’t look utterly petty and sniveling, please, please, PLEASE tell me what’s annoying you these days. Unless it’s sitting next to me on the bus getting jabbed by my weird ear hair, because we’ve already been over that. And I’m sorry.

40 thoughts on “I’ll Take ‘What’s Annoying Becky’ for 500, Alex

  1. I agree 100% about those online accounts. And as soon as you make that one-time purchase from a site you’ll never buy from again, they add you to their list of people to receive daily emails.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. #6 plagues me. My daughter bought me a cute little address book so I could put all my passwords on it which I dutifully keep in one spot on my home desk. But I don’t carry it to the office so when I get to the office and remember I want to buy postage, I can’t because I don’t have the USPS password. When I go home, I don’t think about postage. Except I’m thinking about it now. But it’s 4:30 AM and I don’t want to go upstairs (I’m working on laptop in my bedroom) because I don’t want to alert the hyper-vigilant watch dog that I’m awake. He might think that means I have time to throw the frisbee which I don’t because this is my writing time. And there you have it. The sad, sad existence I lead.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Keenan, I have two password journals. I use one specifically for traveling, so I’m not panicked if I lose it. Which I did. I had to buy a new one, so now I have three. Four actually. But I can’t remember why I have the fourth!

    Funny post, Becky! What bugs me? Oh, SO many things. But the one I’ll choose is people who decide to read their email at a red light – and then keep reading when the light changes. Or sit at a stop sign and do exactly the same thing. I actually wrote it into my next book, where my protagonist yells at a car for doing precisely this. “It says ‘stop,’ not ‘stop and sit there forever reading your email, (idiot!).” The idiot’s in parentheses because my character doesn’t say it. It’s just what I’m thinking.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Agreed. I’m sure I’m much more patient than you are (because I used to be a California driver, too), so, as a laid-back hippie Colorado driver, I give people three seconds to see the error of their ways before I blast my horn at them. It’s very satisfying. There’s also an intersection near my house that I travel regularly. Because this is an old cowboy town without any kind of planning, as you cross the road to stay on Plaza, the lanes don’t quite line up on the other side. For some reason, this confuses drivers who want to turn left onto the other road. The rules for driving fly out of their brains. I always —ALWAYS— expect everyone to turn in front of me so I hurtle toward them with my horn blaring when they end up in front of me. Again, it’s very satisfying to see their miserable lives pass in front of their faces.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. My wife purchased something a few years back which has completely changed my life: 1Password. You remember just one, crazy-complicated password, and the program remembers all your other ones, as well as your grandmother’s maiden name, your first pet, and whatever other stupid human trick questions you had to answer to get access to that particular vendor selling those special dried apricots you love so very much. And it works on all your devices.

    So number 6 is no longer one of my pet peeves. (Though I still detest having to come up with the darn passwords every time I visit a new website.) But I do agree with number 7. I have a pair of caribou antlers I brought back from Fairbanks, AK, which are hung in our back yards and of late, an annoying black squirrel has started chewing on them, to the extent that they’re in danger of becoming short, blunt stubs. Grrrrr!

    Liked by 5 people

    • Squirrels and deer, the bane of my existence. And sometimes bunnies. And mice. And there’s a bear in a neighborhood near us. And that cat that makes Nala lose her mind every morning. And the snakes that startle me when I garden. And…..

      Liked by 1 person

  5. What’s bugging me (today) is people who can’t follow simple instructions. I’m not talking about anything as complicated as figuring out another new password. Also, retailers who you look at once, and they send you thrice-daily emails about their very special specials until the sun implodes. And businesses that close at 4:30. Who DOES that?

    Liked by 6 people

    • I KNEW you’d have prolific and exquisite annoyances! You never disappoint.

      I hear you on the following simple instructions. I’ll send an email or text with two or three things that I need answers to. But they’ll only address one, usually the last one. It’s not rocket surgery, people! If there are three questions, they are all worthy of an answer. And it can be accomplished in the very same email or text that you are —at the moment— responding to. Sheesh.

      Businesses that close at 4:30?? That’s just wack.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Becky, thank you for this post. I could barely remember my WordPress pw to like all these comments.

    What is annoying to me right now– Cold coffee. No, I’m not talking about delicious iced coffee. It’s the oh-my-gosh-I’ve-been-answering-emails-for-the-last-half-hour-and-now-my-coffee-is-cold type of coffee. I’m now devastated. (You’re all welcome for the definition of a first world problem! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • Etta, you made me laugh! And you’re absolutely right. Hot coffee is delicious. Iced coffee is delicious. Cold coffee makes me want to cut off my tongue with a rusty knife. So weird.

      And don’t knock first world problems. They’re still problems.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great post, Becky — so much truth here! Errant hairs are proliferating on my chin. Since I can’t seem to keep them at bay I hope they make me look wise. And I totally relate to the chair thing. At some point the perfect cranny cradling my fanny devolved into a sinkhole!

    Liked by 3 people

    • You are a poet, Vickie! And, oh, the imagery is delightful … since we’re both in the same errant hair and sinkhole boat. (I hear there’s a support group for us and our ilk. It meets at the bar. Every day.)

      Liked by 2 people

  8. I’ve found my people, LOL! (I’m on a break from blogging but just decided to wander through and read a few this morning.) The password thing has been the bane of my existence this week. You see, I got a new phone. (Yay!) However, I had been automatically logged into all my apps forever on my old one, so to set up the new one, I spent the week trying various combinations of passwords, and usually, resetting them. Good times.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Ugh. Every so often I have to sign in on my phone with my Apple ID to handle yet another minor annoyance. First, I can’t remember it because, like a good girl, I made it complicated. So I have to dig it up. Which takes for-freakin-ever. Then, when I go to type that mile-long string of all those ridiculous characters on my phone, I always —always — fumble something. It takes me at least 5 tries to get it and because it’s nothing I care about anyway, I am reduced to a puddle of Becky-grief-and-frustration. Good times, indeed!

      Like

  9. Remember, you password needs to be unique for every website. I must include three capital letters (not next to each other), four numbers, 25 characters, and 6 special characters. It can’t be a phrase. And you must not write it down.

    Good luck!

    (Am I helping?

    Liked by 6 people

  10. GUFFAW! Hilarious post, Becky!!

    I’m with you on all of your annoyances, especially #4 since we’ve gone from shoveling season to weeding season. I also find myself feeling SUPER annoyed at people who don’t use their turn signals (despite the fact that my own father advised me against using them as it’s nobody’s business where I’m going). In fact, driving in general is an exercise in irritation. When the kids were little they asked me why I called all of the other drivers Jack–ha ha!

    Liked by 5 people

  11. What is most annoying me right this very second? Not passwords. POLLEN! We are so coated in green stuff our town looks like Emerald City. On Wednesday my face was so swollen and itchy that I somehow punched myself in the left eye. I am wearing sunglasses now, even at night. I hope I look extra-mysterious.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I bet you look like Jackie O! I was bushwhacking, ironically, a bush this morning and a cloud of something puffed up all around me. I thought, “Uh oh.” But it must have just been dust because nothing terrible happened. Unless I have a weird delayed reaction. Like those poisons that are hard to trace because they take so long and go so slooooowly.

      I hope you heal up fast, Lisa! Although being a woman of mystery must have its charms, no?

      Like

  12. Seriously–the sign-up thing and the passwords and the subsequent emails! Just had a conversation about this with someone this week. It’s to the point where if they ask me to come up with a “profile” on a site, I’m more than likely to go buy it somewhere I already have one. Please, universe, make it stop…

    Like

  13. Apparently the latest thing in my town is to make a Right turn from a Left Turn Only Lane and do it on a red light, where a No Turn On Red sign is prominently displayed. (Ish)

    Like

  14. I keep an extensive file in my computer, craftily titled “Password Keeper.” I consult it often. What drives me up the wall is when I try to access a site from my phone, don’t have my computer handy, and screw up the password with so many tries, I’m locked out.

    Liked by 1 person

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