I’m normally a very sunny person. No wild mood swings. Ridiculously optimistic. Annoyingly chipper very early in the morning. Able to see humor in everything, mostly myself.
But like any sapling nibbled by beavers, sometimes I just have to yell, “Dam!”
So, forget politics, genocide, racism, misogyny and all the rest. Let’s talk about important stuff … the things that are currently annoying me.
- The weird hair growing out of my ear. I know it’s there. It’s been there for years. I pluck it regularly. So why do I not see it until it’s long enough to jab somebody sitting next to me on a bus?
- When I got my new car in November 2017 I adjusted the 4,395 buttons, switches, and gizmos to make a perfect Becky-shaped dent in the seat. But apparently, the Becky shape has oozed (probably) or tightened (doubt it) into an entirely unrecognizable amorphous dimple upon my upholstery. But that’s not what annoys me. What annoys me is that I don’t remember where the 4,395 buttons, switches, and gizmos are and I’m loathe to dig out the owner’s manual just because my legs obviously got longer.
- And speaking of which … it was über-annoying when I extracted my favorite chair from its winter hibernation only to have it disintegrate the first time I sat in it. (Because my default is that of sunny optimism, my first thought here was, “But I didn’t spill my wine!”)
- Pulling weeds with gloves on means I never get a good enough grip to yank them out by their roots. Pulling weeds without gloves on means my hands — which already look like they belong to a 14-year-old boy — look like they belong to a 14-year-old boy who has been playing patty-cake with an angry wolverine.
- Publishing contracts. To clarify, I’m not annoyed to receive publishing contracts, but if I never had to read another page of that gibberish again, I’d be happy.
- Having to set up online accounts on websites—with yet another password—when all you want to do is buy something. Just take my money, dagnabbit!
- Squirrels and magpies. They play a game with very simple rules: pull up Becky’s weed block until she cries. [See #4 above]
Okay. That’s enough. Even I’m sick of my whining and I have a strong tolerance for all things Becky.
Now, so I don’t look utterly petty and sniveling, please, please, PLEASE tell me what’s annoying you these days. Unless it’s sitting next to me on the bus getting jabbed by my weird ear hair, because we’ve already been over that. And I’m sorry.